Sometimes, I wonder what is being ‘I’, what I am? Silly isn't it. But I don’t know the answer really. And I believe, to have a precise
answer for this is utmost important. But even if I get an answer, who is going
to testify and approve the sanity? So what should be done? Who can
help me with my self-realization trauma? Can my family members help? Can my
colleagues at the work-place help? Can my friends (I am short of this rare
commodity already) help? Of-course they would love to comment and endorse strong views
over me, for being judgmental comes naturally to all the human beings. People
love to judge people. But … Ok, let it be, before I get diverted further, the ‘question’
here is how will I get the answer to my ‘question’? Not sure.
Theoretically speaking, who am I? A ‘software
professional’ who believes in having the feet firmly stuck to the ground; who
knows only one way of survival that is ‘hard work’; who personally and mutely rubbishes factors like ‘luck’,
‘fate’ etal; who hates boasting about self-achievements and absolutely loves
cribbing about self-issues and problems (only superficially. Because I am
seriously interested in a self-introspection here, hence trying the best to be
truthful… pardon me.); who loves maintaining a low profile and concentrate more
on walking the talk; who hates judging the people around and plainly ignores
judgmental views (being judgmental is preposterous and barbaric, a symbol of
illiteracy. Call these views ‘Taliban’ic, I would still take that … amen!! And
because you did so, you are judgmental … ‘Catch-22’fied?); who occasionally is extremely
low with confidence and self-esteem (so low that sometimes even the blood group
changes from ‘B+’ to ‘B-‘ … funny. Cheapster PJ.); who hates getting angry,
forget about a public or even private display of anger, absolutely 0 decibel
levels here; who is a strong believer of the theory that the most difficult animal
to be tamed is a human being – no matter what happens, a perverted mind will
remain so vis-à-vis a person with beautiful thoughts will remain so; who
believes that ‘piece of mind’ if traded is always cheaper at any price; who
plainly loves his family and will forever – family is above everything; who is
absolutely lazy and extremely introvert at times; who takes time identifying a bonding
with people; who believes that every individual has something good in him or
herself and one should always try to concentrate and take a cue only from those
good and great qualities and ignore the shortcomings.
With all the crap jotted above, the only conclusion
that I could draw is that it is inconclusive to precisely categorize and define
myself. And surely, I need some ‘judgmental’ external views for refinement and
reaching a conclusion … amen!!
